Little Secrets
by TooManyFandomsToKeepTrack
Summary: Clara has moved to a new city, Vancouver, B.C with her family. She has no friends, but that thought slowly fades as she meets two boys named Josh Ramsay and Matt Webb. It turns out her and Josh have more in common than the books and music they like. From ED's to drugs, can they help each other, or just make each other worse? (swearing will occur in later chapters and probably smut)
1. Chapter 1

Clara is a girl no one would have thought would become like this, she was quiet, kind, polite and she loved anything that decided to acknowledge the fact that she was alive. With decent grades, and a loving family to come home to everyday after school, she was all set. But in her mind, something just wasn't right. Something was off, and she was bound to find out. This Clara girl is me, I wish I knew what was giving me this feeling before I had found it. Before I had found him. Sounds cliché, doesn't it? I bet.

You see, it all started in High School, it was another new school, new place, new home and that meant new friends to make too. My mother has a job that has her move around a lot, and the whole family goes with her because we didn't like it the first time she left for business and didn't come back for five months. My little brother was two at that time and wouldn't do anything but cry and throw temper tantrums until she came home. It doesn't bother me that much, I never had that many friends and I never really felt I needed a lot of them. No one really wanted to be my friend through elementary school. They told me I was odd, and that odd scared them. I would come home crying because I did not like being called odd, I didn't want to scare anyone. My family would tell me that being odd was perfect and that they were glad they had such an odd daughter. That would always make me feel better and wanted, and the next day at school I would try to make friends again. Only to be called worse.

In High School, we moved to a place in British Columbia, It was a big city, I was put in school only to be shut out by everyone who went there. Again, I didn't mind. I was just waiting to move again, at least with no friends I could focus on school and what I was meant to be learning. I guess I just wished I could find someone who needed a friend as much as I wanted one. I didn't really like walking to school and back home alone. I didn't like doing anything alone.

After a week of going to Magee Secondary School, I was walking to my second class. I was late, about an hour and a half late to be exact. I was talking my time, I didn't really mind being late, I was probably moving soon again anyway. I had to get to my locker too, turning down halls and looking at the locker numbers I had finally found mine. Someone was at their locker next to mine, I had thought it didn't belong to anyone since I've never seen anyone at that locker since I came here. I guess I was wrong.

"hello" I was trying to make a bit of a conversation with this person, maybe they'll at least try to keep the conversation going. He froze a little, looking over at me stunned. Soon, he looked confused, "hi, who are you?"

"My name is Clara, I'm kind of new here…" Maybe this was a bad idea, he looked like I was going to kill him or something. I wasn't that intimidating, his expression quickly turned from stunned to smug.

"well, kind of new here Clara, I'm Josh, and I am not new here. I could show you around the city, you know, I could show you my house, and some stores. If you want." I laughed a bit, "yeah, I think I would like that. I'll meet you after school?" he just smiled more than he was.

"How about now, if it's okay? I mean, it's just school. No one's going to miss us." I thought for a moment, maybe he was right. I mean, it is just school. No one would miss me. "Kind of new here Clara, come on, we should go before someone sees us." I looked up to see him walking away, looking back at me. I smiled, before running to catch up to him. We exited the building shortly after and walked off the schools property, making small talk and laughing every time we did.

"So, Clara where did you live before you came here?" Josh asked, I looked over at him. "I lived in Alberta, not much of a move, but I like it here." He smiled a little. Maybe I finally had a friend. "Well, Clara, I'm glad you moved here, after school lets introduce you to Matt, yeah?" I didn't know who this Matt person was, but I am willing to meet him. "I'd like that." Josh put an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close to him, "good because it would hurt his feelings if you didn't wanna meet him."

The whole day went by fast, Josh took me to a music store and we bought some CD's and looked at guitars. He showed me all of his favourite places he liked to go to, I also learned that Josh didn't like talking about his life that much around people he had just met. I really didn't mind that, everyone has secrets. Even a person you knew your whole life keeps secrets from you.


	2. Chapter 2

Soon enough, Josh and I had found a pizza shop. We both ordered a slice of pizza and slowly picked at the food on our plates. "So, uhh. What classes do you have, Josh?" he looked up at me from his plate, "I have English... Uh, Math..." I smiled, "no, like teachers.. Who do you have? Maybe we have some classes together." It looked like he was thinking for a while, did he even know who his teachers were? I'm sure he did, well I hope he did at least.

"Hey, lets walk around some more. I mean, we both don't seem to be hungry." I was never hungry, I never wanted to be hungry. I looked down at my pizza, "are you hungry? We could stay here, or you can take the pizza with you... I don't mind." I shook my head, "no I'm not hungry." I watched him as he got up and threw away the pizzas, soon after we left the shop and continued our walk around the city. After a while, we ended up at a park. Swinging on swings and just acting like children. It seemed Josh was having a fun time, I hope he was at least. What if he wasn't? What if he was just pretending and hoping it would just end already?

So many thoughts were going through my head, I was dizzy. What if this was a joke? What if this was a bet to see if he would even last a day around me? "I uh, I have to go." I stood up from the swing, "wait- why? C'mon, school is almost over and we're having fun... Aren't we?" he looked hurt. I almost felt bad for doing this, "I-I'm sorry... I just don't think this is a really good idea. I mean, it was fun but I have homework I should work on..." He smiled, "it's going to take more than homework to get rid of me, Clara. How about I help you with it? I mean, I'm not good at school work... But I could try." I nodded, we both walked side by side down to my house. It took a while, but we just talked more.

our conversation died a little when we got to my house, my parents weren't home, we just didn't have anything to talk about anymore. I set my backpack down and walked downstairs into the basement into my room. Josh followed, "my room is in the basement too." I looked over at him and smiled, he smiled back then continued to look around my room. I let him, I had nothing to hide, well, I did. That was well hidden though. He looked at the CD's I have and seemed impressed.

Then, I noticed something, my razor. It was on my dresser and he was just looking at stuff on it. Fuck. I slowly got up, trying to be casual. Josh was too busy looking at books on my shelf to notice. I walked over to my dresser and put the blade into my hand and put it into a dresser drawer.

"I already saw it, you don't have to hide it." Shit, "umm... Saw what?" I tried to play it cool, and act as stupid as possible.

"The blade, Clara. I saw the blade. You don't have to hide it... We all have our own problems." I didn't know what to say, "you know Clara, I just don't get why you would do it... You're a beautiful girl and you don't deserve to put this on yourself.." I looked down, I didn't wan't him to see the tears that were now threatening to spill from my eyes. A lump was forming in my throat and it seemed harder to breathe.

"I don't want to talk about it," My voice was just a whisper now, I couldn't handle to see his face. Even though I barely knew him, I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment on his face. I just couldn't handle it, "uhh, you can leave now... If you want.. I don't mind if you want to.. You can go and tell your friends about what you found out.. I'll understand." He turned around to look at me.

"Why in the name of fuck would I do that?" he walked closer to me, I took a few steps back. He looked more hurt than he did at the park, "I would never do that, Clara... You're the first person in ages to even acknowledge my presence. Other than my friends. You're awesome, Clara." I shook my head, he walked over to me closing the space between us with a hug. I hugged back, trying not to cry as I did.

"I wish I could prove to you that you don't deserve to think like this.. I wish I could prove to you how amazing you are, Clara." I sobbed, he pulled he closer. Rubbing soothing circles into my back as I cried.

"Why do you care so much?" I looked up at him, waiting for a reply.

"You're amazing, because you're kind of new here, Clara."


	3. Chapter 3

I guess 'kind of new here Clara' was my new nickname. I liked it. Although, I didn't understand why I trusted Josh to help me get better, I guess I liked the fact that I barely knew him, or the fact that he was a cocky little shit. Or maybe that smile, he had a nice smile and I wanted to make him smile a lot more. He had smile that would make anyone melt at the sight. Just him in general would make anyone melt.

"Josh, why do you want to help me so much?" He looked at me.

"You're amazing and I want to prove it to you." I shook my head. He has to stop lying, didn't his parents teach him lying was wrong?

"It's kind of hard to just turn my life around in one second," he sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. I sat down, "yes. I know that, but I am willing…. I want to help you get better." I nodded, "and plus it means more time I get to spend with a hot chick." I looked at him, shocked. There was a smug smile on his face, and I noticed something. His cheeks were pinchable. Very pinchable. I leaned over and pinched one of his cheeks and the smile disappeared as fast as it had came.

"Clara, you're going to get it someday."

"Get what, Josh? Another hug?"

"No, worse." I laughed, "nope. Nothing is worse than a hug."

"Oh, really?" I nodded. All of a sudden, he was on top of me, hands on my sides and stomach, tickling me. I was laughing, I mean, that's what our bodies do when we're being tickled. After about fifty-two pleas, begging him to stop, he did. Thank God. I playfully slapped him, he mocked hurt. I smiled, and got both of my cheeks pinched in return. I rolled my eyes. He smiled, and rolled off of me.

"So, do you want to work on the homework I have with me, leave, or watch a mvie with me?" He pondered that question for a minute.

"Lets watch a movie… Can I pick?" I nodded and showed him where all the movies were and he looked at all of them, picking some up and reading the backs. Putting them back. Eventually he found a movie and held it up, "what the fuck is this?" I looked at the case, it was The Goonies.

" only the best movie ever! Jesus, we have to watch this one. You're life is not complete yet if you have not seen this movie!" He nodded very confusedly. I laughed and let him pick out a couple more movies while I got us some pop. When I got back downstairs to my room, Josh was already putting in The Goonies. Only because I told him to put that movie in first. I'm glad he listened.

After the movie was over, he asked if we could watch it again. We watched The Goonies about three times before he turned the TV off. I looked at him.

"Clara, if I told you something, would you be able to keep it a secret?" I nodded, "yeah I would. Why?" He looked a little uncomfortable.

"Promise..?"

"Promise." He nodded, "okay, don't be alarmed…. This is personal… Really personal. I know it's wrong, but I've been doing it for one year and I just can't seem to stop… It's just that, I've really needed to tell someone this and now I can't seem to find the courage to tell you… Don't take it personally…" He sighed, "I just.. It's…. I've needed to get it off my chest… I need to tell someone, and I feel like I can trust you already.. I'm umm… Abusing a substance.. A very illegal substance…."

"what are you doing, Josh?"

"Heroin." Oh.

"Josh… This is really serious, do you know how dangerous this is? You could kill yourself from this.." He shrugged, "I don't really care if that happens, Clara. I know it will happen someday. Why not sooner?"

"Why not sooner? You'll die, Josh. There's no second chance once you're de-"

"Coming from the one who cuts herself." I looked at him, "get out."

"No, Clara. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to say that. Jesus, Clara, I'm sorry. Fuck.. No Clara, please…."

"I want you to leave. Now." He looked down, and sighed.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow..?" I shook my head, I didn't want him seeing me for a long time. Or ever. He just lost all his chances for a new friendship. Or any kind of relationship with me. He nodded a little, "Clara, I'm sorry, I know what I said was a dick move… But I was scared…. I just told you my biggest secret.. I don't want you telling anyone." I nodded again, Then looked down into my lap. He lifted my face to look at him, he looked really hurt. It hurt me.

He moved close and hugged me again. I hugged back, "I'm sorry, I hurt you Clara… I am sorry." I nodded, "it's fine. You're going to get it once I learn where your ticklish spots are." He smiled, and nodded "fine with me as long as you're okay."

"I'm not physically, or mentally okay, Josh. But it's not you who caused it."

" I know.. But I'm going to help you, okay?"

"As long as I can help you. Okay?"

"Okay."

I smiled, then put in the second movie, which was Just Like Heaven. Josh seemed to not enjoy this movie as much, because he was curled up under the covers, snuggling me. It was dark out, so I woke him.

"Josh? It's almost eight…"

"It's okay.. My parents are out of town, anyway." Okay, I lied down next to him and he snuggled me closer. I smiled, and slowly fell asleep. He was a nice person, and I forgot to remind Josh about me supposed to be meeting Matt, but that can always be for tomorrow. I can't wait for tomorrow.


End file.
